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Are Your Child’s Wings Shriveled?

Butterfly Story . . . our struggles make us stronger!

“A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could, and it could go no further.

So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.

What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If God allowed us to go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. We could never fly!”

–Author Unknown

 

Whether the above story is true or not I believe as a parent we can do too much for a child,and it can do so much more harm than we will ever understand. No I’m not saying we shouldn’t do anything for them! but I am saying when my 2-year-old starts to throw a fit because his Lego’s don’t go together the way he wants them to, we will calmly tell him to stop, calm down, now try another way and more often than not he figures it out. Sometimes you have to explain that they were not made to work that way, and some he really needs help, so we help him.

If he decides that despite repeated warnings that hot Cheetos will not be something he will like, then when he gets a hold of one on his 100th attempt we will stand by with a glass of milk and let him try one (guess what daddy needs a whole soda to eat those things, he doesn’t even need a drink and he loves them still to this day lesson learned for mommy and daddy well daddy anyways mommy knew he would like it). Now NO we will not let him touch the hot stove to learn a lesson, but since he has not experienced it he doesn’t understand that daddy or mommy really mean that’s hot so he will keep trying and sadly one day might slip past our guard. I’m not heartless if we think something really hurt him, or he thinks something really hurt him, we will pick him up, hug him and kiss it better. We don’t teach him that he can’t cry but we also encourage him to laugh when he takes an ugly spill, it is just so much easier to have a laughing outlet in our lives.

Does all this mean we have perfect children and we are the perfect parents? Far from it! I just called my mom a couple of days ago for advise because out of my 5 children he is the only one that has had a really hard time with sharing and also with hitting his younger sister. I had given up and ran out of ideas, luckily I have a mother with a Master’s of science in counseling to fall back on when I get desperate, and I do mean desperate (just kidding mom love you, oh ya, and how does that make you feel?). She gave me some good starting points now I will have a discussion with my wife and we will decide what we want to proceed with!

Did you catch all of the we’s in this post, some dads piss me off, moms a stay at home mom she deals with that (not that either of us are stay at home parents but you get the point). NO, NO NO, parents that are not on the same side  may not necessarily fail but you are once again not doing any favors for your children and you are missing out on some great quality time!

My kid is not light years ahead of other kids, it’s not like he has no fear, he has began to learn to respect certain things like heights, but it doesn’t stop him from attempting them, just that he is a little cautious when he does, better for mommy and daddies hearts  that way anyways.

I think as a society we have began to take everything away from our kids I remember seeing a recall for a bouncer we had, it has a sun that you can pull on and when you let go it bounces all around, it was recalled because if your kid was close to it, it might bounce back and hit them in the head! Oh no my kid got a fat lip, if so I have given him a hug and kiss, teach him to go back and play again and not give up. Guess what that toy has gone through 2 children and while neither of them actually caught themselves with it (that I know of probably should ave asked mom to be sure) both of them enjoyed that part of the toy a lot and learned a little cause and effect in the process! If one of them would have been hit they would have learned a lot about cause and effect. Is that so bad? We spend so much time making sure they don’t get hurt that we create a time bomb for every little injury that happens!

Wow my prime example seems to be Zander but hey that’s what 2 year old’s are all about, learning boundaries and cause and effect. The other night we were all at the table and Zander decides to goof off, he knows he is not allowed to stand in a chair (not completely because he could get hurt but because he is taught manners as well) and he takes a good fall. Mom and dad cringe that one had to hurt, but from under the table comes a giggle and up pops a beaming, smiling boy! I know a lot of kids that would have let this ruin their day and some of them were 16 at the time! Now he did get a quick word about that being why we don’t stand in the chair but I think the cause and effect taught him more than we ever could! Not that he has fully learned that lesson yet!

We need to let go a little, still protect, there are unacceptable behaviors and things that are to high of a risk, but don’t be afraid to let them spread their wings and bruise them a few times to learn what is okay and what isn’t. I believe in teaching them it is okay to wipe away a tear and then try again. In other words its okay to cry when it hurts but don’t give up and its okay to be frustrated but take a deep breath and try again! It’s definitely okay to ask daddy for a little help but I’m not going to do it for you, instead I will just step you through the process, in fact in the end probably just be more the morale support you needed to convince yourself you could do it!

I love my kids with all my heart when I see them hurt it hurts me just as bad, but I think by working their way through the problem they will be capable of so much more the next time!

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Family photo fun! This also can be very challenging with young ones!

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